Sick!

I am just so sick!

The past months, I have been so sickly. And this is bad.

Anyway, the Bataan get away was fun. Pero siempre… di naman maiiwasan na meron magspoil ng fun na yun. But generally, it was great! And now, I am back to reality. School. Work. Arrrgh!

At eto pa… I think it would be better if we don't remember anything at all. Yesterday used to be a special day. And he doesn't have to remind me of it. Why? Because it is so useless to count the years.  Useless to think of the what ifs or what could have beens.

Was it my fault? My only fault then is I am not ready. Why am I not ready? why? Hindi ko alam.

Hhmmm….

We just hugged. No words were spoken maybe because there's nothing left to say. It is just so unfair. Feels so the same. The warmth, beat of the heart, everything. It's just the circumstance is so damn different.

Since when did Christmas and New Year cease to be merry and happy? As years pass, things became half-ok, half-fun, half-happy. I am happy and yet have this feeling that I could be happier. As to how? That I don't know. We always say happiness is a choice. And I choose to be happy. But the laughters are empty and the smiles are just superficial.

Anyway, we are heading to Bataan this weekend. Yipee! We just need to be far and be in a place that is different. Can't wait!

Currently listening to this:  Your Call by Secondhand Serenade

Second Hand Serenade - Your Call

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your…)

I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
x4
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Bataan!

Christmas is over. Bataan! Bataan! Here we come!

GIFTS! and more gifts…

Still here at work on a Sunday. At least RD ko sa Christmas. Wohoo!

Have I been good this year? Dami ko ng gifts.

Vin gave me this bag that i love so much. Inggit nga si jen and macky. Love it! Thanks vin and jezz!

Macky gave me this cutie bracelet from Bangkok I am wearing right now.

Mitch gave me a cool bookmark. Kakaiba talaga sya as in super nice.

Leny, the English editor gave me a powder. hmmmm… Bango..

Jazz has a gift for me also pero di ko pa naopen. I'm sure i'll love it. 

Madami pa. I really appreciate the thought that I am remembered. Thank you all!

Busy as a bee..

Been so busy that I haven't had the time to make an entry. Busy with everything!

For this sem, I only have three subejects. Remedial Law 2, Labor Law Review and Taxation Review. As they say, easy easy lang ako this sem. But why don't I feel that way?

Taxation is not one of my favorite subjects. But as I am always saying, I have no choice.

Sometimes, life will give you several options and yet it would seem that in reality, you have no choice. This is what Nonong and I argued about days ago. Making choices. There are times you choose things not really because they are your choice, but out of need. You get my point? But he has a point. We choose that thing because it's for the good. But then, sometimes the good and the right does not necessarily mean that is what your heart desires.

Oh well… Whoever said that life is easy. But I am enjoying every minute of it.

Anyway, today will be our Christmas Party. Where? Makati Shangri-La. Wohooo! How "sosyal" is that?!

The Peninsula..

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.

This is so true. Life continues to go on. Whether we like it or not. There are moments we sometimes wish not to end, but it ends. Moments when we wish for time to be fast, but it passess… at its own pace.

The past days have been bittersweet. Yesterday, we had snack at The Peninsula Manila. Can you beat that? A snack at the Peninsula! It was fun and the day ends with our tummy full and filled with good memories.

To spare myself from guilt of having too much fun while ignoring my books, I went to bed with my book in a sweet embrace. And yes, you guessed it right, I haven't finished a page when I fell into deep slumber.

I promise not to do it again

Not a word…

It's funny how I feel so much but can't say a word.

I would like to hang on to what is left but the heart, too, gets tired. That's what I realized the other night.

I believe in second chances, third, even fourth but the time came where I asked myself…

What's the use?

Wonder what's my worth?

Asked what's the point?

Is it worth it?

The answers are all in the negative. And now, I'm living in my own world of quite existence.

For now, I am enjoying my two weeks of freedom. But I can't help but think about the future. I know today is nothing compared to what lies ahead. I am about to face what I believe is inevitable.

Anyway, we have a new baby. His name is AARON JACOB. I gave him that name. Nice no? We call him Jacob. He is such a cute little boy. He makes me want to resign and just stay at home. Well, can't do that.

Future & Past…

If the future and the past do exist, i want to know where they are. I may not be capable of such knowledge but at least I know that wherever they are, they are not there as future or as past but as present. -St. Augustine-

The semester is about to be over. Time is moving too fast. Too fast that there are still things left undone, unaccomplished, unsaid. Would it be proper to live things as they are and just go with the flow? Go forward, no looking back?

On a rainy Monday…

I have deep resentments that I don't want to acknowledge. I tried to be mad but couldn’t find the strength. I work, I laugh but my heart tells me otherwise. I distanced myself from everyone. As Fred said, "out of sight, out of mind",. I shut myself out to numb everything.

For awhile isolation works. But I am losing the drive. I exist because I just do. I am losing purpose. So, I diverted myself to things which I feel matters. School.. If I am not at work, I study. I read. Anything to occupy my mind. I felt that this is the only thing that somehow, I have control of.

I don't expect anything from people. I don' even expect them to understand. A little sensitivity. That's all. Somehow, in my heart of hearts, there are expectations but I just accept that there is no use expecting. So, can I just ask from people not to expect anything from in return? I am drained. I have nothing to give.

All I needed is to talk to somebody, someone I trusted. Someone I can weep in front of and just listen.

This is me facing my demons, hoping to get over this and be free like I was before.

Five People…

Five people waiting, in five chosen memories, for a little girl to grow and to love and to age and to die, and to finally have her questions answered–why she lived and what she lived for…..  the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one.

Rain…

Dishwalla - Every Little Thing (Dishwalla)

Currently, I am listening to this.

I hate it when it rains. I tend to be melancholic. I remember things I shouldn't.

I can be…

My heart has hardened and I can't let anyone in. Soften my heart and help me break down the walls I have created. Break down the shield that I put up to protect myself from all the struggles in life. Put away the mask of pretention that I have been wearing all this time.

I am tired of being strong. For a moment, I want to be weak.. Please give me back the tears I promised not to fall from my eyes again. Let it fall on my heart, the drops may soften it.

I am glad knowing the fact that with You, I can be weak..

Life is a journey…

 I have always wondered what life is all about.

Is it about the things that we aspire? That life is simply about our quest for personal success, fame and prosperity.

Or is it about the people around us? That is - we live to be the keeper of our family, our country and our fellow human beings.

Is life about what would make us feel good? That life is about the pursuit for pleasure, peace of mind, happiness, freedom, recognition or love.

Or is it about keeping our Divine faith? That life on earth is temporal and all the things that we do here are meant to serve God to gain eternal life.

But maybe life is all about all of these. If it is, then to live a full life becomes a very tall order given our everyday encounter with failure, enmity, frustration, temptation, our individual frailties, and even inevitable events.

The way life is lived depends not only upon ourselves but also on the people and the conditions, foreseen and unforeseen, around us.

If life then is a journey, very few would obviously reach their destination. Maybe that's why there is an IF at the center of life as a constant reminder that life is something we must endure and survive.

For me, life is not really about reaching my ultimate pre-determined destination because at the end of the day, I may not reach it, after all. Life, for me, consists of the bits and pieces of things and events, big or small-good or bad, that come along my way in the course of my journey. Over the years, I learned that life is not much about reaching the destination. It is about how I carry on the journey that matters.

In the course of my voyage, I realized that I only need to know, carry and keep in mind a few things that really matter because there is always sense in traveling light. And from this perspective, I realized the beauty of my journey in this world called life.-atty. jaime n. soriano-

First Entry

This site is under construction…